comfort

Just hearing this word instantly relaxes me. One little word that can mean so much. Live in comfort, comfort food, COMFORTable, COMFORTing, shall I go on? A tiny bit of this can make a crappy day better, put kick in your step, feel like a warm scarf. Comfort is not a term that requires vast research to discover its meaning. Comfort can be found in the simplest of items, gestures, words. To me comfort may involve a fresh pair of warm socks after having cold clammy feet all day or that first cup of joe to start my day. Comfort can also involve close friends, homemade mac and cheese, Billie Holiday on the record player, yes, I said record player! Nothing is more comforting than that ethereal scratchiness that torch song singers evoke on vinyl. Comfort is a cinnamon candle, patchouli oil on my husband's neck or baby powder on my child at bedtime. As I've stated in the past, pepperoni greasiness wafting from a pizza box comforts me just as a cigarette does after a good cry. Granny afghans and down COMFORTers coupled with flannel sheets make going to bed early a well deserved luxury. A good book, no matter what your favorite genre is always welcome in down time. Good times or bad, family also deserves a special place on the comfort scale such as a mother's hug or a father's pat on the back when feeling proud. Comfort can pertain to one's financial success, having a comfortable life means job well done. Comfort can also be the pride one takes when unlocking the door to their very own business and flipping the sign on the door to open. To me that equals mine and to ME that means job well done. That alone makes me comfortable. Comfort is seeing the smile of satisfaction on my husband's face when he walks in the door after teaching all day, the smell of a home-cooked meal drifting from the kitchen, and my child smiling dada! So as not to leave anything out, comfort is watching my child's beautiful smile beam from ear to ear as he gets to hang with his older "brother" and torture the poor 8 year old as said 8 year old patiently hangs with him. As I said earlier, so many meanings for one small word, I could go on all night. Instead I will let you dedicated reader reflect upon your own meaning of this word while I welcome the late-night comfort of my husband's after work warm kiss and hug. Goodnight world.

happy valentine's day

Hearts and flowers, chocolate, champagne, diamond engagements, lingerie, sex and lest we forget LOVE, these are all components of this special day. From its earliest beginnings of martyred saints to Chaucer's romantic poem to mass production of paper valentines during the 1850's, this day made its mark through many a century. How many couples pining over love chose to embrace or ignore this magnanimous romantic holiday. How many times did I cry over being alone or take flowers to a friend in a similar circumstance so we could be miserable together? This said friend just had her true love hand deliver roses to her workplace today and let me tell you she was shining like an incandescent light bulb, happy and satisfied to find her one and only. Valentine's Day is a day of love or torment depending on your situation. Now that I have found my one true love, I am not so quick to NEED to embrace this day, but I certainly won't be unhappy if roses are hand delivered to MY door. Actually I am happy with big bright gerbera daisies. Never one for mushy romance or too much fuss, these flowers and maybe a box of chocolate covered cherries are my only requirements. This year I have to say, I was not feelin' it. Of course I love my betrothed, but his money went to my store rent and right now that is just fine with me. My other favorite valentine of course was spoiled rotten with chocolates, cookies, and a dozen big red balloons that received an"Oh thank you mama! I love you!" That's all I need, that was enough of a present for me. In the future for hub and I there are plenty more Valentine's Days. I am content to sit this one out and quite frankly I'm on a post-holiday diet and candy would just wreck the momentum. So much emphasis is placed on this one day, does he love me or love me not? PUHLEASE!! If he loves you he will overlook his distaste of this "Hallmark holiday" and run out to get you flowers. In my opinion there is no need for multiple lavish gifts, I mean, really, didn't we just do Christmas? Valentine's Day is about being with the one you love and that could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, mother, father, husband, wife, child, or even your dog. A dog loves you unconditionally and doesn't roll his eyes or scoff at the words Valentine's Day. Today I spent time with a few of my true loves. I had nice alone time(get your minds out of the gutter)with my husband, seriously he had to work so just a coffee outing for us. I also had time with my son at my bestie's house making pizza, drinking wine, and eating brownies (yeah, I know there goes the diet) while our little loved ones played. I didn't miss the hearts and flowers today because I had everything I needed right where I needed it. Tonight I am happy to lock lips with my love when he walks in the door and be thankful that we have survived another year together in this crazy story of ours called life. Happy Valentine's Day to all my favorite loves(you know who you are)and goodnight world.

leap of faith

Be careful what you wish for. This is a saying I've heard my whole life and just never figured it applied to me. I have never wished for anything quite out of the ordinary like a fancy car or mcmansion or even millions of dollars. In fact most times I feel my wishes HAVE come true. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful child, had a fabulous dog and own my own business that I love to my core. My only wish that hasn't been granted is my swimming pool. I have dreamed of my own pool since I was a child. Ah if only life were so simple that wishes consisted of swimming pools and say, unicorns. As an adult I now wish for boring old stability. This seems to be the most difficult and elusive wish of all. One month the bills get paid and the next they don't. I am quite tired of this hamster wheel of monetary obligation. It is quite maddening. As I mentioned in a previous post the Christmas blur has ended and now we are left with the few months between until the flowers poke up to say hey it's spring now! These few months always cause a bit of anxiety and restlessness in this part of the country or at least in this city where the sun decides to hibernate like a big fat grizzly. Really? Gray again, great. This weather does not improve my mood or my psyche. I shouldn't complain, its been so mild yet I would almost feel better in 4 feet of snow, at least I know where I stand. So you can see my mood lately(hey I warned ya back in December) and can only imagine my surprise when my husband arrived home one day with good news about his career. What, you say? Good news? Impossible this is my moment of melancholy, I'm not allowed to be happy right now. Apparently his career is about to take off one little baby step at a time. Hey we'll take it because the only baby steps around here are now walking to school. Anyway wow! It's about time. I can actually take a step back and breathe, give up control, quit my other job. Oh, I just had to go and say it, quit my other job, here comes the anxiety. This is where that old annoying saying comes in. I can't wait to quit my other job. I am mentally OVER dealing with people and their damn food. I DON'T CARE IF YOUR STEAK IS OVERCOOKED. That's when you know it's time to go, but the stability of that money makes it very hard to take that flying leap. My husband and I have been living that restaurant life for over 15 years but now it is time to follow in my friend's footsteps and say so long. I can't wait to close the shop on a Friday or Saturday and come home to my family, cook dinner, have some wine(well you knew that was coming)and just be. The loss of income on both our parts will be difficult, but I have to roll with it, have faith, and trust in my husband to know this is where our path leads us. Trust is hard, especially for a control freak like me, but my heart knows that together we can take that leap of faith and all will be just fine. Goodnight world.

three

 As you know by now we are three, we are a family. Three being the operative word here. Our dear sweet little angel has turned 3. This was not the age I had feared, two is what everyone talked about. Ah, but than you hear the other parents speak of three and oh, just wait! Great. Let me tell you, they're not lying. Three is torture. My dear sweet little angel has turned into a wild thing that would make Maurice Sendak's creations seem tame. I feel he is truly the "wildest thing of all". There is no rhyme or reason with this age, nothing feels clear. My head feels as muddled as a good old fashioned as I try to make sense of tiny tirades over power struggles. Um, aren't I the boss here? Good Lord, I end up feeling like I've been tossed about by a large wave and thrown onto the beach. I try to ignore, not give in to it, but he's always right there letting you know his discontent. On the surreal flip side, the other sweet extreme makes those terrible moments worth it. The behavior is the polar opposite. You think, why was I so upset? How could my sweet boy ever make me crazy? Yeah right, watch out because it will be back and right at bedtime which is always fun, not. Wrestling matches over getting into pj's can lead to one well placed kick and daddy is bent over silently swearing in pain. "Oh sorry dada, me kiss your booboo?" No, not necessary says my husband grimacing, just please go to sleep. Three books later we stare at that sleeping child and think, this ain't so bad. Good night world.