school daze

Three years ago my son came home screaming. After having many many years of our fun, my husband and I took a look at my biological clock and decided now or never. Well it didn't take that long to make it "now" and nine months later our lovely was born. Beautiful and perfect in every way we thought what could be better than this? After 3 years spent doing all the usual baby stuff(diapers, formulas, no sleep) we still feel the same. Now comes school. Giddy with excitement our little family set off for Sully's first day of pre- k. As we turned to leave(he never even noticed)my husband and I were like kids in a candy store. Freedom! Two and a half blessed hours all to ourselves! What do we do now? Whoa, deja vu! That question was oddly reminiscent of the same question we asked ourselves when Sully came home for the first time, opened his tiny mighty lungs and made his presence known. Well I'll tell you what this mother did, got in the car, freedom forgotten, and cried. Now I am sure I am no different than any other mother on THEIR child's first day of school, but I had prepared for this, I was ready. I had been wishing for preschool ever since he started to walk. You see, due to financial constraints daycare was not an option so Sully started going to work with me at just 2 weeks old. When I was pregnant I had all these romantic notions about how wonderful it would be for him to grow up in mama's store. Yeah right, those notions went right out the window the minute he became mobile. Growing up in mama's store was like letting a German loose at Oktoberfest! It was one big delight for his burgeoning senses. No amount of paint or crayons or find cool stuff in the basement game could keep him out of my wares. I was never surprised to look up from my desk and see furniture being "artfully" rearranged(you think I'm kidding?) or one favorite moment was the pyre of new merchandise piled on the floor. Even better was the look of sheer terror on grandparent's faces as Sully tore out the open front door to visit the neighbors. So many daily instances had me as nervous as a cat on water. People would ask me, "How do you do it?" Um, I cry. So we have arrived, the moment I've been waiting for, preschool. Not so much my independence, but his as well. Kids, kids, kids he happily sang upon entering his new school. Oh shit, there go the waterworks, jeesh, I wanted this so why do I feel this way?
So now day 2 has ended. I had my first day at the shop all to myself, just the way I wanted it, so what did I do all day? I thought about dear one. I worried if he was happy, making friends, the usual mom thoughts. I counted the minutes until school ended. As I waited for my turn in the serpentine of suvs I caught a glimpse of my child looking dazed and tired, holding the teacher's hand searching each car for mama, mama. Mamas' here my love, mama never left you. Goodnight world.