stuffed

Well here I sit molded to the sofa, already in my pjs by 6:30 and coughing up my lungs. After a whirlwind of a week of work and holiday festivities I am left with this lovely cold and the muffin top threatening to creep over my bottoms. Snuggled in next to my husband and his neverending obsession with those angry birds, Mickey Mouse Club on the tv and my little love eating his dinner, "us a family" to quote my 4 year old. That's right my dear, us a family. Thanksgiving is one of those holidays where even though the thanks is in the title we still have to remind ourselves why we aren't working and are about to shove platterfuls of food in our faces. Thankful is what we are, what we need to remember. Thankful for our health, home, family, football and of course the turkey. Oh sure Columbus and the pilgrims had something to do with all this, but after years of hearing about the rape and pillage of the new world upon landing, I've put the history on the back burner and just am thankful for the life I have been given. Oh I know I can gripe with the best of them, I mean who doesn't, but when you get right down to brass tacks, it ain't all so bad. My leaky old house, my crazy business, my wild child, my husband's career, all just reasons to appreciate what we have even more.  The first half of Thanksgiving was spent in a nauseous haze trying to get over this cold. After my gingerale I was up and cooking my mac and cheese and famous cranberry sauce. Soon after work demanded a small portion of my time. Upon rummaging through a box of old Christmas lights my dad had passed on to me I was struck by one of the old price tags of all things. As the montage of 1980's memories played through my head I suddenly found myself sobbing in my attic. Divorce is never easy on any family and having gone through my parents in my thirties, I feel it's even harder as an adult. Now as these memories of my mom and dad, my sister and I played on in my mind I was struck with that melancholy of a life lost. Now being in the business I am of basically selling memories, I am NOT one to hold on to the past. To me the past is money which supports my family. This sudden rush of emotion was surprising to me. I didn't feel so much sad as reflective. Taking after my mother I am helpless with emotion and it always pours out my eyeballs. Drives me nuts. This was different. This time I welcomed the onslaught of emotion. It was nice to think of the four of us before it all went down. I hadn't looked at us as a family in a long time. Joining my husband's family filled that void left after the divorce, but now reminiscing in my attic reminded me from whence I came. My dad running behind my training wheel-less bike, my mom taking me to get my ears pierced, sleeping in my sister's bed every Christmas eve, just a few sweet thoughts that filled my crazy brain and made me realize just how thankful I was for the time we had together. Moving on to my mother-in-law's for the feast and family frenzy I was again struck with memories,this time of my father-in-law at the table. My mother-in-law extremely subdued this year was feeling the same vibe. Upon returning home and finding ourselves on the couch contemplating thirds, I suddenly realized just how stuffed I was. Stuffed full of good memories of my favorite people in different stages of my life. No matter where we all are at any given moment, us still a family. Goodnight world.

old house

"What's wrong with your sink?" asked my mother-in-law as she poured out the dregs of her coffee. If only I had an answer. What's wrong with my sink? Well probably the same thing that was wrong with our toilet and bathroom sink and roof and front steps etc. Old house. Ah yes, home ownership, what a grand concept. Yes, owning a home is better than renting, so they tell you. It's an investment others say, well maybe when one was actually able to sell their home and make a little profit. Now owning a home just seems like another job and I'll tell ya, I've had plenty of those, jobs that is. Buying your first home, never a prouder moment. Realizing that all the important stuff was already rigged by the previous owners, irritating. The cheap shower install that covered up the bathroom window, nice. The leak in the pipe that became a torrential downpour of, how do I put this eloquently, pisswater all over our kitchen counter, again, nice. The unintentional skylights in our garage roof while I was pregnant, lovely. The faux marble formica and "oak" laminate bathroom vanity that I lived with until our more recent bathroom redo. Ugh, the list goes on. So far in the oh, 9 years we've lived in this house we added a new furnace to replace the harvest gold monstrosity. New garage roof as well as one for the house. Luckily that one was due to hail damage and came courtesy of the insurance company. Eighteen hundred dollars of bathroom plumbing to fix those issues only to be left with a running toilet that hissed at us day after day only to find out it was a "flapper" causing the problem. Thanks dad for fixing that one. The bathroom renovation that lasted the summer I was pregnant. Worrying and barking orders at my poor husband and father as they tried to turn the 1980's country look into my white subway tile dream before the baby arrived. We also added a low deck, stone courtyard, pergola and pond to the back yard as well as extensive perrenials to the front. So nice that the roofers destroyed part of that. Oh big sigh. Now the city where I reside has a big issue with some peeling paint trim and unpainted front steps. We have lined up the painter, agreed to the estimate yet somehow we are not moving fast enough for these folks. After that is finished, we redo the kitchen because the lovely bathroom leak has caused my old cabinets to warp a bit along with the slightly crumbling wall made soft by my now dead 200 lb dog's slobbery splashy water drinking. Not to mention the myriad of interior paint colors and 4 different dining room tables until I found just the right one. Lord, I think I may have to yoga breathe as I write this, so tense that it makes me. Thankfully I love my home. Despite it's issues this home has been good to us. I have been able to use what I know to make it cute and charming and this is where we brought home our son.  Painting the exterior and one more major redo this spring to bring my kitchen into the 21st century and than the For Sale sign goes up. It's a cruel joke, home ownership. You work hard to turn your house into a home and than you sell it. Now, where is that plunger? Good night world.

powerless

Wow, what a week! Nothing like a hurricane to take your mind off your troubles and the election. I guess I should say, add to your troubles considering the amount of people without power. A power outage is always kind of fun even romantic in the beginning. You build a fire, you play games, get close with your spouse, toast marshmallows or hot dogs. You know, do what families do when they aren't working or going to the grocery store every 5 seconds. Sitting in front of the neverending fire, holding my son while he fell asleep in my arms, I was just where I wanted to be. Three nights of that and my son's hair looked like a rat's nest by the fourth day causing me to look at him and wonder when he last had a bath. By that fourth day after dropping him at school again, still a dirtball, I was ready to fly the coop. My husband and I were so whacked out by the power outage, forgetting what day it was, we needed to come out of our hermit shelter and face our populace. One last fire, one last cup of coffee and we were off! Breakfast and visiting friends and family had us feeling like our old selves. Dinner out had me feeling my muffin top and thinking about that damn treadmill, so silent that it was. Upon coming home, we were greeted by the orange glow of my electric spider web, left on before it all went off. Ahh, cable tv, internet, HEAT. We are one spoiled population, let me tell you. So many people dealing with so much less and we worry about charging our phones. Well, we are a product of our environment, powerless. Now on the eve of this election I can't help but feel that way, knowing how much is at stake in this election. I know my husband and I will be voting first thing in the morning, even making a date out of it, but at the moment I just worry. I am doing my usual escapism today, cleaning, cooking, etc., but I worry and I pray. I pray for a better, nicer country, I pray for stability, and most of all I pray for our health and happiness. The last four years have been rough, new child, economic depression, job searches. Powerless, nothing we could do but let it ride. Waiting for progress to reach you is frustrating at best. I am hopeful and I never give up. I believe we can move forward and there is power waiting at the end of another 4 years. I believe that all my rights as a woman will not be jeopardized. I believe my husband will find that elusive full-time job in education and that my business will persevere.  For tonight I will think about our future knowing that in the morning I will be casting my vote with the rest of you. This one simple act of DOING SOMETHING gives us the power. Don't vote and you remain nothing but powerless. Good night world.