Happy Mother's Day

Four and a half years ago I became a mother. While pregnant I had all these romantic notions about motherhood and how I would raise my child. I vowed to never get overly- emotional or neurotic. I vowed to always lay on the floor and play with the plethora of planes, trains, and automobiles along with blocks, crayons, paints, etc. I vowed to never let him go to sleep upset. Now my child is at the end of his toddler years, in fact sometimes he acts so grown up I swear he's really 14 trapped in a 48" tall body. Having a boy presents many challenges because he never seems to run out of energy. My child is also strong-willed and independent. Thank God. My child is exactly as I want him to be. He is equal parts my husband and I. As far as all those romantic notions go, I am powerless at what was passed down to me. I have inherited my mother's hair trigger nerves so noises and yelling tend to make me edgey. This doesn't bode well when raising a boy because they are boundless balls of energy, noise, and dirt. Going to bed upset after bathtime tantrums is just inevitable, but I still try to kiss and soothe. Oh and those toys. I have spent hours building Thomas the train tracks and coloring anything put in front of me or making huge block towers. I must say though, my husband is much better at this part. His patience is infinite. As the past few years have gone by we have all settled into our relationship as parents and child. Never having children before leaves a lot to get used to when doing this for the first and ONLY time. I am able to mostly ignore a lot of the random shouts or kicks or when he rushes by and smacks me in the belly as a sort of weird high five to his mom. Little boys like to show their love by doing annoying things just to get your attention. My child likes to lick my face like a dog because he knows how much it irritates me. In fact anything that irritates me, he just does more. What can I say, boys. The first three and a half years of my child's life were spent in my shop. These were not easy years. These were years where I spent much of my time crying. Trying to run a business in a depression while simultaneously tending to his every need did not always make for a harmonious relationship. Life is easier now with little man in school, my emotional state back in check(mostly), and business doing better, but motherhood is still the hardest job I've ever had. At the beginning of this maternal adventure I felt lost and abandoned, my true self given to this tiny bundle. Each stage of his young life has had it's challenges yet as we stumble through this together as a family, it becomes less difficult. Now we have actual conversations. I can take him to the shop and he can entertain himself with his Legos and not wreack havoc amongst my merchandise. We can sit and have lunch and it doesn't end up all over the floor. While driving he has learned to point out furniture abandoned on the treelawn, so used to me making sudden screeching stops for good junk. My little man has made strides, he is growing up. The more this happens, the more I want to stop and hold him and kiss his beautiful face. At the beginning I just wanted to get to this point. Now as he runs into my arms after school, I just want time to stand still. I want to keep him safe and warm and healthy and never let him go until he's ready to fly our little coop. Even than I will still be waiting for him to run into my arms and I will show him the first Mother's Day card he made for me and I will cry. For hair trigger nerves are not the only thing my beautiful mother has passed down to me. She has given me far too much emotion for my own heart and a strong will that is able to withstand all of the endless bumps in our road of life. For this I am most grateful and this is what I will pass on to my own child. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there and especially to one very special lady. I love you Babs. Good night world.