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Here we are, January. Blech. After so much excitement and hullabaloo the past two months, I now sit here feeling restless and bored. In a rut or a mid-life crisis. Do people actually have those anymore or were they merely a byproduct of restless husbands and wives in the eighties. I remember so many Lifetime movies about just that subject. Anyway, such is my mood today. Wandering Target this morning buying food and more food when I really wanted to spend my gift card on me, I couldn't help but sigh and feel dejected, letdown. I hate when I feel this way. It does nobody any good. Least of all, my family. My temper is short and everything pisses me off. Wrinkle cream, that was my one purchase to make myself feel better. One tiny thing to placate my irritable nature. What I really need is a good injection of Botox right between my eyes, but wrinkle cream was cheaper. See where this is going? Feeling old and broke rather than positive and ambitious. I feel as if my vacation just ended and reality has hit, that re-entry thing I wrote about a few months ago. I need to do a Taylor Swift and shake, shake, shake, shake it off, shake it off yet here I sit complaining to you kids and drinking wine way too early in the day. Oh well, just a mood. Tomorrow I will use all my mental tools to combat this winter depression. Honestly, I have not one thing to complain about yet human nature is never satisfied. I am not satisfied. I spent six long years obsessing and worrying over my husband's career and now he's settled so I feel like a lion out of a cage. I want to take on the world, move my business a little farther into the future, try new things, new adventures with new friends. I am overcome with excitement about the future yet here I sit anxious over the same old, same old. I told my husband yesterday that my life would be easier with a credit card and the minute the words were out of my mouth I was instantly reminded(by the dreamkiller himself)that life would not be easier and I would be in debt up to my eyeballs. I really hate when that man is right. Ooh, it irks me so. Truth be told though, he's right. I would be in debt, my wanderlust taking over all my senses and we would be in Florida right now. At least I would be tan. Oh vanity, you evil bitch. So, I'm not in Florida, I'm in Cleveland and right now the Cle is depressing me. Half melted snow and half warm temps. No commitment to anything, just have to take it as it comes. Oh, it's kinda warm today, great, oh, but it's snowing tomorrow, grand. Right now you're probably like oh quit whining. Yeah, I know, but sometimes it feels sooo good to just get it out and then I feel better. If not I'll pour more wine. Lately I have decided to "just do it" as Nike says. I have realized there are things in life I want and I'm tired of dreaming about them. I am pursuing my life with a vengeance. Unfortunately this way of thinking goes against everything I've been doing the aforementioned six years. It is causing me great anxiety because it goes against a more cautious, practical nature I've developed over these tough years. The economy had me questioning every purchase, cup of coffee, even a magazine was an expenditure. Now, I still feel cautious yet I fight it with all my soul. I am, in a nutshell, fighting myself. I need to remember that life is actually working out just fine. My best laid plans will happen, I am making damn sure. January is just a roadblock, a time to get my thoughts straight, recharge. Tomorrow I will stalk the lake, eager to try out my new winter wet suit. If conditions aren't right I will come home and go crazy on my punching bag. I need to get back to exercise because at this age, wine doesn't just go to my head. Exercise is good for me, without it I end up at my trusty laptop bitching to a silent audience. So thank you dear readers for once again letting me clear my head. Now, I am going to pour more wine, play some Jenga with the little big man, and eat something fattening because tomorrow I start all those God forsaken resolutions and ain't nobody got time for more of my complaining. Good night world.