Monday, March 7, 2016
detour
Wow, once again we made it. I am always surprised when February ends and we suddenly find ourselves in March. With the worst of winter over and my usually gray city awash in the first of the Spring sunlight, we are that much closer to summer. Everything feels less heavy, less cumbersome. The sun rises earlier so we feel that little bounce in our step returning. For me, this has been a winter like no other. Previous years had me depressed, stressed, worried. Money, money, money, the root of all evil had me always in its grasp. This year, no. Taking all of January to close my shop of 18 years kept me busy as the proverbial bee. My days were filled in wool sweaters and dirty jeans as I moved countless carloads of furniture, etc. to my garage, attic, basement all the while selling to last minute customers intent on getting that final deal. Too busy and too cold to even think, I moved on automatic refueling with lots of strong coffee. The day I wrote my final check and turned in the key was the day I felt new life pour into me. Free, liberated....now what? My first thoughts were to find work. A girl still has to shop and I didn't want to tie up our income with my junking expenditure. Securing a two day gig in a bakery proved not only to be profitable, but back breaking. For two days I worked with a crew of bakers pumping out that Fat Tuesday treat paczski. I filled, sugared, trayed, and boxed hundreds of these special jelly doughnuts. About midway through my second day I was dreaming of wine and a hot shower while hundreds of people waited impatiently in line. Listening to the employee chatter, singing countless pop songs with my young coworkers, and watching the last of the orders filled gave me the hugest sense of accomplishment. The wad of cash handed over at the end wasn't bad either. My second part-time gig came in the way of a local deli/butcher shop. Running in to grab lunch for my dad and I while emptying the store, I had a chance to chat with the owner and since he needed help and I needed income, I was hired. Don't let anyone ever tell you one can't find work while wearing your son's Darth Vader hat. Unsure of what the Hell I was getting myself into I forged ahead. My first day was spent learning the ropes and the lottery machine. That fucking lottery machine. The hardest part of my sandwich making, meat wrapping employment. I never thought something so dumb would be my undoing. Let's get this straight right now. I DON'T play the lottery. I DON'T buy instant tickets. I think it's all senseless and stupid. Well, apparently I'm the only one because here they come with their own special lottery language and they throw words at me like "kicker" "powerball" "draw" "midday" " rollingcash". WTF. Seriously, I look at these people and tell them I have no idea what they just said to me. It's all Greek, this weird lottery lingo. I'll go back to making sandwiches or weighing ground chuck or even pricing the fancy pickles, anything but the lottery machine. I marvel at how much it stumps me. My new coworkers aren't going to stay patient forever, but this machine, well, sorry kids. I mean I freeze in front of it. Anyway, I digress. Oddly enough I love this job. I don't know why. I'm comfortable in food service. There's no stress, well, except for the aforementioned. I love my coworkers. The young butchers are all so proud of their job. They love to talk about their trade. There's no whining or complaining, the job just gets done with no drama. Being a part of this local establishment keeps me in the loop so to speak and I am able to stay in touch with my patrons and keep them informed of my next adventures. This job has saved me. If I didn't have it, I don't think I'd have left my bed this winter. I am not one to sit still and not having a job has never been an option. Having a few shifts a week has been rejuvenating, not one hint of seasonal depression, just that lightness in my step. My third part-time experience was working for a liquidator friend this past weekend. Needing an extra body for a huge estate sale, I was available on a Friday to stand in the basement all day and itemize customer's purchases. I have to admit it was slightly torturous as I watched a few wanted items leave my grasp yet I still scored some good finds at a great deal. Helping shoppers and being behind the scenes was a fun change as opposed to the manic frenzied buyer I usually am. My boss was a doll and my coworkers lovely. If asked, I'd do it again in a heartbeat! All these part-time opportunities gave me a chance to spend some quality time in my home. Always so busy with the shop, the last thing I felt like doing was decorating my own abode. The extra downtime was nice for a change and I was able to finish some projects, secure some fantastic finds(for me not the business), and make my home lovely and fun again. I forgot how much I missed decorating and the satisfaction it gives. We still have a long to do list, but thankfully it's a little shorter. As I look back at the past few months I can't help but smile. I knew I was closing the store and I knew I had a plan, but having a plan doesn't always work the way we expect. I've never been afraid of hard work or too proud to work a job different from my norm. I can thank my dad for this. He never let me sit idle and always made me "go pound the pavement". This hiatus from my so called vintage life has been restorative. It is hard to close a chapter and not know what's around the bend, but taking this detour has cleared my head and made the future look so bright I just may need shades. I feel like a completely different person and am so ready to tackle my career and come at it with a more peaceful, positive attitude. Last year I thought I had all the answers, but it wasn't until I stepped away from all that I knew and dusted out the mental cobwebs, was I able to see clearly once again. Like Spring, I am just warming up. Good afternoon world.
Monday, January 11, 2016
changes
So, here we are, January. A belated happy new year to all. This morning I sit in peace and quiet listening to the furnace tick on and off. An occasional car passes on the frozen street. Yes, winter is here. After months of glorious "warm" temps, the cold and snow have descended. The barometric pressure has dropped so there's a constant tight band of pressure encapsulating my skull. Coffee has me jittery yet I sit reflective in the silence. I had a few subjects I wanted to touch upon for this post, but after hearing the news of the death of David Bowie, I feel strangely subdued and a bit a.d.d. This post may end up one long free association. I am never one to think too deeply about the death of a celebrity. Why? I didn't know them, they didn't know me, so why bother with all the emotion? Seems like a waste of energy. David Bowie was different. Perhaps it was his incessant ability to reinvent himself, adapt to the times. He was always ahead of the game. Ziggy, Starman, Thin White Duke, all monikers for a changing persona. Maybe I feel so damned sad because his music has always been on the periphery of my life no matter what age. In the seventies it was there on the radio during my childhood and in the eighties it was the pop music background to my teenage years. When my husband and I started dating it felt like Bowie was always with us. Hunky Dory, Ziggy Stardust, always on the c.d. player as we began our lives together. Now, who will fill that void? David Bowie was timeless, you thought he'd never die. I remember seeing him in the early nineties, an outdoor concert in the middle of summer. I remember the warm evening and the excitement over seeing such a legend. It was supposedly the last time he was to perform his old hits. That concert I will forever hold in my memory. The strange news of his death coupled with the near closing of my store has me feeling a bit off this morning. I feel unsettled, adrift in a sea of ch ch ch changes. Expediating the closure of my business has me excited yet a bit fearful of my pending unemployment. I was going to try and hang in there until the end of this cold month, but the process has moved along more rapidly then I anticipated so I believe one more weekend then I bid adieu to my brick and mortar. It is time. I do not need to drag this out any longer then necessary. I have to admit, as unsettling as my unemployment may be, I feel positively giddy at the notion of freedom. Last year, this time, I was in a different place, my mid life crisis hadn't revealed itself yet or maybe it was there underlying all my big plans. Last year I was trying to reinvent, reboot my stalled career and instead the answer was there under my nose the whole time. Change is hard and we don't always see or want to see the obvious solution to the problem. Just like an alcoholic giving up the booze, I couldn't see my life without my shop. Now, I realize the death of an icon and the closing of my shop are far removed yet I can't help but notice a few parallels. For years this rockstar changed his image time and again to appeal to a changing audience all the while maintaining his creative integrity. As I mentioned in my previous post, this was common in my career to meet the demands of a progressively younger consumer. I was never afraid to change the shop to suit the times. If you don't move with it, you're a goner. I always worked my job with my heart first and then my head. I believe this is how one finds their niche. Anyone can sing or sell vintage, but remaining true to yourself is what sets you apart from others. You never heard Bowie copy someone else's style, he didn't need to, he had his own. Now, for all I know, he probably suffered from his own share of insecurities as do we all. Pushing through those doubts made him the star he was. Taking the time to push through my own doubts and insecurities to see to the other side has been liberating. An uncertain future, yes, but I promise it won't be boring. R.I.P. sir. Good afternoon world.
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