changes

So, here we are, January. A belated happy new year to all. This morning I sit in peace and quiet listening to the furnace tick on and off. An occasional car passes on the frozen street. Yes, winter is here. After months of glorious "warm" temps, the cold and snow have descended. The barometric pressure has dropped so there's a constant tight band of pressure encapsulating my skull. Coffee has me jittery yet I sit reflective in the silence. I had a few subjects I wanted to touch upon for this post, but after hearing the news of the death of David Bowie, I feel strangely subdued and a bit a.d.d. This post may end up one long free association. I am never one to think too deeply about the death of a celebrity. Why? I didn't know them, they didn't know me, so why bother with all the emotion? Seems like a waste of energy. David Bowie was different. Perhaps it was his incessant ability to reinvent himself, adapt to the times. He was always ahead of the game. Ziggy, Starman, Thin White Duke, all monikers for a changing persona. Maybe I feel so damned sad because his music has always been on the periphery of my life no matter what age. In the seventies it was there on the radio during my childhood and in the eighties it was the pop music background to my teenage years. When my husband and I started dating it felt like Bowie was always with us. Hunky Dory, Ziggy Stardust, always on the c.d. player as we began our lives together. Now, who will fill that void? David Bowie was timeless, you thought he'd never die. I remember seeing him in the early nineties, an outdoor concert in the middle of summer. I remember the warm evening and the excitement over seeing such a legend. It was supposedly the last time he was to perform his old hits. That concert I will forever hold in my memory. The strange news of his death coupled with the near closing of my store has me feeling a bit off this morning. I feel unsettled, adrift in a sea of ch ch ch changes. Expediating the closure of my business has me excited yet a bit fearful of my pending unemployment. I was going to try and hang in there until the end of this cold month, but the process has moved along more rapidly then I anticipated so I believe one more weekend then I bid adieu to my brick and mortar. It is time. I do not need to drag this out any longer then necessary. I have to admit, as unsettling as my unemployment may be, I feel positively giddy at the notion of freedom. Last year, this time, I was in a different place, my mid life crisis hadn't revealed itself yet or maybe it was there underlying all my big plans. Last year I was trying to reinvent, reboot my stalled career and instead the answer was there under my nose the whole time. Change is hard and we don't always see or want to see the obvious solution to the problem. Just like an alcoholic giving up the booze, I couldn't see my life without my shop. Now, I realize the death of an icon and the closing of my shop are far removed yet I can't help but notice a few parallels. For years this rockstar changed his image time and again to appeal to a changing audience all the while maintaining his creative integrity. As I mentioned in my previous post, this was common in my career to meet the demands of a progressively younger consumer. I was never afraid to change the shop to suit the times. If you don't move with it, you're a goner. I always worked my job with my heart first and then my head. I believe this is how one finds their niche. Anyone can sing or sell vintage, but remaining true to yourself is what sets you apart from others. You never heard Bowie copy someone else's style, he didn't need to, he had his own. Now, for all I know, he probably suffered from his own share of insecurities as do we all. Pushing through those doubts made him the star he was. Taking the time to push through my own doubts and insecurities to see to the other side has been liberating. An uncertain future, yes, but I promise it won't be boring. R.I.P. sir. Good afternoon world.