flashback

My day began with an unexpected invite that had me jumping into my car and heading back-to-school. No I am not continuing my education(although my parents would love that)I was destination bound for Kent, Ohio on the hunt for a fabulous vintage leopard sofa and to spend time with a favorite cohort.
Kent State University was where I spent the better part of 4 years. Degree? No way Jose! It only took me 4 years, 4 different majors and 2 forced hiatus' (my parent's wierd decision) to make me realize higher education was not my cup of tea. Don't get me wrong, college was great, I LOVED to party! I loved to skip class. I loved to ditch my paid for duties,drink coffee and solve ALL the world problems. Really though, oceanography, who cares? College algebra, speech, geology, PUHLEASE! Yes, I know I sound like a terrible role model for wayward teens, but come on I did do SOMETHING w/ my life. I did turn out just fine. I managed to take what I was born with, my creativity, and turn it into my passion and a way to bring home the bacon. Lean bacon at times yes, but bacon none the less. I really don't think that piece of paper was my key to happiness. Finding my way, though it's been difficult, has made me happy because what I do comes from me not an institution. My husband is a huge proponent of college education and yes I do think it's the smart(pardon my pun)way to go, just not for me. Driving around campus today did not have me yearning for my old classes and professors, but for a moment I was wistful for a simpler time. Life can just downright suck at moments and remembering that unencubered freedom put a smile on my face. Alas though I bid my mate adieu, pointed my car north and drove home. See you can go back to school if only for a couch and a cup of coffee. Goodnight world.

birthdays

Well here I sit on the eve of my 41st birthday. I don't feel the need to reflect on all 41 years, but to wonder the importance of such a day. My husband is under the belief that birthdays are no big deal, that life should be celebrated every day not just one "special" day of the year. Wow, how do you argue w/logic like that? On the other hand, and this is where my astrological work up comes into play, shouldn't we celebrate the all important day we were born? Shouldn't we surround ourselves w/friends and family who are happy that we exist? Aren't birthdays so important they take over not only the day, but the week, and sometimes the whole month? Now I certainly don't go to those extremes, but I do feel that at least one day, THE day should be all about me! My husband jokes that I celebrate the whole week, not so, but am I to reject plans others have made for me because he thinks it silly and unneccessary? Everyone has different ideas on how to rejoice in their BIG day. I have friends who go big w/fancy parties and trips to exotic locales while others are content w/quiet dinners or drinks on the porch. My special day plans are determined by my mood, finances, and weather. Being a summer baby I love to be outside preferably in the water, by the water or on the water. That is my idea of a perfect birthday. So I suppose no matter how you decide to tear it up on your big day, week or even month, revel in the fact that you do exist, you are loved and if this birthday sucks, hey there's always next year! Goodnight world.

love and marriage

Yes, I'm going there. I will try to tackle this ever tricky subject though not in a Dr. Phil/couples therapy kind of way. I've been doing a lot of driving lately so playing new music lessens the boredom. I find I am especially haunted by Alexi Murdoch's Away We Go soundtrack. There is one song in particular that makes me bawl like a baby. In short the line of the song that triggers my emotions goes as follows"If I can't be all that I can be, will you wait for me?" You see my husband and I have been together almost 15 years, whoo feels like we just met, and have endured many different careers together. Well actually he has sampled many different "careers". There was catering, cooking, making pasta, and even a quick jaunt in a garden center, so you can imagine my excitement when he proclaimed he was going to be a teacher. My husband was born to teach. He has a soft story-like way of recreating history or even his day that leaves you wanting more. Lets face it, if he can teach this rockhead about the Vietnam War, he can teach anyone. After 4 years of part-time master's program and a year of student teaching, he was graduated and ready for a job. Ah, there lies the rub. Job, what job? Unfortunately our education system is undergoing some wierd metamorphosis and once bountiful jobs have become scarce. To my dismay. See I was all ready to quit my restaurant job and just run my store and be a mom. Simplify. At this stage in my life simplicity and stability are what I  long for. So lack of jobs became a bone of contention on the homefront causing many an argument. Now I am a sensible person albeit an impatient one. I understand this roadblock is NOT his fault, but it doesn't make me feel any better. This leads back to the song line. Through all the many phases of our life together, the one constant is that I love my husband more than all the money in the world. If he can't be all that he was made to be, yes I will wait for him, for in his love is my salvation. Thank you Alexi for making me see the light. Goodnight world.

wine or whine.

Aha thought that might get your attention! Well now that my day is almost over and I am snuggly in my pajamas I am going to attempt to write and leave you wanting more of my wisdom. Hee hee. As I stare at this screen and think about writing of loftier subjects like love or marriage(don't worry it's coming soon) I suffer slight writer's block. This perplexes me after the barrage of ideas that left me jotting notes while driving. Here you thought texting and driving was a bad idea, just try using your dashboard as a desk, whoa, just missed that truck. So anyway here I sit getting slowly eaten alive by child size mosquitoes that have found a hole in a screen somewhere in this old house. . WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM??? Lord, off the subject again, not only writer's block but A.D.D. as well! I sit and sip my wine and think thank the Lord or Buddha for mommy's little helper. My bff and I have been doing babysitting swapping so we can save money. Well it's a great idea, but after an already long day, taking care of 2 beautiful boys just makes the day even longer. Especially when my own precious one never took a nap and proceeded to have very strange tantrums over a big red ball. Ok, crazy, time for a bath and BED! One down one to go. So I sat down to write, relax, and drink my wine and the 8 yr old tells me to be careful aunt Robin you don't want to get drunk. Well, yes, honey, as a matter of fact, I want to do just that. Unfortunately as good as that may sound I will just end up w/one outrageous migraine and spend the day staring down the toilet water. You see with 2 jobs, a child, and well you know the rest, there is nothing like a glass of wine at the end of a day. It doesn't have to be the best, it just has to do the trick. Don't get me wrong, I certainly enjoy VERY GOOD EXPENSIVE wine, but a 5.99 bottle works just as well. A glass of wine can make me forget the llama almost biting my child, moving carloads of furniture for the store, 2 unbelievably exhausting shifts at the restaurant including a friendly rodent making new friends on the patio and even the endless stories and questions from an 8 yr old boy at 10:00 p.m. Ah salvation, it appears my bestie has arrived and my duties are over for the day and now it is time to fil my glass. Goodnight world.

live to work?

So while talking to my mother today I was dismayed to learn she had quit her NEW job. After 15 increasingly disgruntled years at her OLD job she finally got the gumption to leave and strike out on her own. The new "perfect" job appeared a dream come true! A decorator by trade she would be working w/others in her field. After excitedly arriving she was quickly shown her desk and told how to answer the phones. . what..wait??? Answer phones??!!! I'm sorry is this 1962? Are we watching a Mad Men episode? Wait you hired me as a receptionist?? I'm a decorator!! Well my tiny mother in her big shoes promptly took one giant step out that shiny glass door. . and cried.
This whole scenario leads me to wonder about careers, jobs, and work. What is the difference? What makes us stay at some jobs year after year or walk out after only 5 minutes? Do we work to live or live to work? This is the question we constantly ask ourselves after bad days and good. Take my jobs for instance, I own my own business and I work for a boss. My business is my life. I love it. It's what I do and know. I do not have a college degree(I really hate school). Fortunately I take after my mother's creative side. My other job waiting tables I also love, most of the time. When one has 2 jobs serving the general public it tends to wear on your nerves. There are days I go into my store and make no money and than go to the restaurant and make a ton of money. There are days in my store where I clean up and nights at the restaurant that bomb. Those are usually the nights I would like to dump red wine all over that one irritating pompous guest that just doesn't understand that I DON"T COOK THE FOOD I JUST SERVE IT!!! Jeesh. Those are the times when work is just work and I would happily do something else if I knew what to do. I know, why am I complaining when I am lucky enough to have not one, but 2 jobs in this crazy economy. Two jobs doesn't mean job security it just means I work more. Is it really work if I own it and it makes me happy? Does this make it a career? Is it really work when I make good tips? I suppose what I'm trying to say is good days or bad, we all work to live and hopefully get to be fortunate enough to live to work.

poo.

Well here I sit, day 2 of this writing adventure of mine, I reflect upon my day and the craziness that is my life. After a slew(sp?) of troublesome phone calls that began my day I had the opportunity to sit on my back porch and watch my child happily play in the driveway. Feeling somewhat calm all considering the morning events I thought how nice to just sit and enjoy the simplicity of child's play. . . yeah right!! As I was feeling blissful I watched my son bend over and procede to do his dirty business right there on the concrete! Yuck, Gross, WTF were the first 3 exclamations that came to mind, nevermind the fact that at least he did pull his undies down so as not to mess them, I suppose I should give credit where it is due. The big picture being that my son just took a shit in my driveway! Well I have never had children before so this is all new to me and poo is just well poo, it's gross anyway its served. After dealing with the mess and getting my husband out of bed to deal w/his crazy wife I had time to actually sit down, drink my coffee and yes, laugh. If we remember anything in life, let it be the ability to find humour in the smallest situations. Since the economy decided to take a nose dive down the crapper and tensions can tend to run high at home my husband and I have blessedly found the ability to laugh at life. Don't get me wrong it's not all roses, but when you have found your soulmate and can stay on the same page the majority of time than I suppose life ain't all that bad. This my friends is why I am able to get out of bed each day because sometimes life is positively beautiful and sometimes, well, there is just poo. Goodnight world.

vacation blues

Hello! Fresh off a fabulous vacation, I came home to a slurry of new worries and of course the big one REALITY! I am not one to sit and write about my troubles or anything for that matter, but my husband has had enough of my complaining the past 24 hours to last a lifetime. He has his own concerns for his future and how we continue to keep our house, business, cars, etc. So in the meantime I figured it would be therapeutic and hopefully amusing as well to write on about how to stay sane and not end up in rehab during these troublesome times. I will need to take a break to refresh my brain w/ a tropical concoction and dream of that sandy beach and ocean breeze that now has me in the doldrums considering I am back home in my lovely gray city.
So here I sit facing this computer screen and hoping it will knock these BROKEdown blues right out of me or I might just have to make another cocktail. Let me just hit you up w/some background. I own my own business and work as a waitress part time. My business is a wonderful little vintage home decor boutique. The past 2 weekends had big events scheduled where I was banking on making, well, bank. Not to be. It would just so happen that stupid stock market had to lose all it had gained and therefore my scheduled earning were not up to par, ugh, now how do I pay my damn rent and that gas bill that NEVER goes away?!! Grovel. Call the landlord(for the 3rd time)don't cash that check! So sick of doing that. Anyway after a lot of crying and soul searching(I take my business way too personally, hey what do you want, I'm a Leo!) I decided to just chalk it up, keep doing what I do, and now I write. The other part of this equation would be my husband's endless job search, for trying to be a teacher in a society where everyone now hates teachers is rough. So there he cooks in a hot kitchen and works for health insurance and little else. Now do you see my frustration?!
Anyway, I know my troubles pale in comparison to others, but when you are trying to just make a damn decent existence and have to wonder when your income will come flowing in(it's trickeling at this moment) you tend to panic and perceive your troubles as the ONLY troubles in these times. Please excuse my selfishness, but seeing that I'm not trying to save the world just my family, I hope you understand. On that note I will sign off for the evening and save more of my story for tomorrow. We haven't even gotten to the taking your kid to work chat. Until then, good night world.