death

Today marks the one year anniversary of my father-in-law's death. Anxiously bumping along preparing for our big life changes, I didn't even notice how fast the year had flown. Last April our family was busy making final arrangements for this great man. A great man that would be so annoyed at my post. Being a public figure, my father-in-law shunned most publicity and spotlight. He was a humble man not in the least interested in fame and fortune. He was a man driven by law, God, and his family. If one did not fit into these three categories than he really didn't take much notice, well except for football that is. Football was the end all, be all in this family. Football was also the reason for this legend's demise. Having a professional football career in a leather helmet era led to way too many knocks on the noggin. Unfortunately no one at the time thought anything of it, ah, just get up, you're fine. Well fifty some years later those knocks took their toll and this man who's mind made him what he was, slowly lost his. Nobody should have to watch a person disintegrate from Alzheimer's disease. It is a disease that sucks at you until only left with a mere shell of a person. Oh sure, we have funny stories to tell, little snippets about dad's final behaviors that are meant to make us not feel so damn bad, when in truth they just make us feel worse. Now that a year has passed and I have spent the day trying NOT to feel so damn sad, I can remember the man before the disease. My most vivid memory was when my husband and I started dating and this big white-haired man came into the restaurant, grabbed my wild man's face in two big hands, said "hello sweetheart", and gave John a big kiss on each cheek. You see my husband was wild, way too Irish for his own good, he spent many a night cozied up to the bar at the end of a long evening. That didn't stop me or anyone for that matter from loving my soon-to-be husband. Thankfully those days are long past and the only bar he cozies up to would be our breakfast bar in the kitchen waiting for his morning coffee fix. The fact that this man could turn my man into putty with just a gesture says volumes. No one was ever able to tame this fiercely independent child yet my father-in-law only had to walk in a room and ever so subtley my husband would stand just a little straighter. The pride my father-in-law felt for his family was insurmountable. Every football or lacrosse game had my father-in-law cheering on his children and grandchildren. I know we all wish he could still be here to watch my nephews run their passes and tackle their giant opponents. I know my beautiful nephews feel the loss of his presence at every game and every day. Such a large presence to be without. From dating to marriage, my father-in-law welcomed me with open arms and for the last 14 years I felt like one of his own children. I loved his son so he loved me, simple. Now I only have to look at my child or nephew to see my father-in-law. My son's steely blue eyes and my nephew's profile give me a pleasant jolt of nostalgia every time I look at their lovely faces. So dad, I'm going to wipe my tears, cut the crap and get to the chase. We love you, we miss you, and we wish you were still here to keep us all in line. Good night world.