demands

Today is the kind of day where I would happily take my tiny stash of money and board an airplane straight to Florida. Running away seems like the perfect solution to avoid my troubles for the temporary time being. Temporary being the key word here. Running away never helps, but it sure is nice dreaming of a beach complete with free unencumbered time and a big freakin cocktail to numb me. I know my friend would welcome me with open arms again and Alice's canal would sure lull me back to some semblance of normalcy. This beautiful fantasy unfortunately is not going to happen today so I am stuck with this crappy day and all my troubles. Of course my troubles are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I have my health, family, home, etc. It is just a day where I feel I cannot give enough to all the masters I serve. Certain persons with their well-intentioned meddling advice about my mothering skills are not welcome in my world today. The big stupid leak from my toilet into my kitchen this morning did not bode well with my morning coffee. The amount of dusty merchandise piled in the back of my store and in my car is staring me down making me feel even more inadequate because with my child wreaking havoc behind my desk, I just can't get to it. Dare I mention the mountain of crap on top of my desk also a lovely reminder of my said inadequacy. There are also financial demands this week because that $@##* leak now needs fixed and plumbers don't work for free. My list goes on, but I will not bore you with all the minutae. Through the ages mothers have taken care of their families by cooking, cleaning, shopping, loving and in many other ways that tend to go unnoticed. Now in this millenium not much has changed. We do this job because we love our husbands and children. It's a no brainer. It is also very difficult in a time that does not allow to focus on one job, but multiple. With the plethora of jobs I have employed over the years, nothing prepared me for this one. My husband has always been a huge asset(thank God) jumping right in and sharing the amount of housework, childcare, etc. His schedule allowed it. Now with his career finally taking off, I am left with more of the "burden". This does not allow much time for my business. Oh sure, I am there as much as possible, but the quality of this time does not add up. To own a small business is a LOT of work and thankfully I love it, but it also takes a LOT of time, something which I'm short on. It's great our child goes to school, but just when I get into my displays, pricing, cleaning, painting, rearranging, phone calls, customers(get the picture) I have to drop what I'm doing and everything gets put on hold until the next time I'm alone. Now there is a reprieve. Our restaurant career is FINALLY coming to a close. Two more weeks and I can scratch that off my list. Two more weeks and our little family will have more time together. No more dragging my poor 3 year old to the shop. No more tantrums in front of potential buyers. No more toys behind my desk. Two more weeks and my beautiful boy can run free like he should be doing.  The wracking guilt I feel over the situation doesn't help, but as stated previously daycare has never been an option so I deal with it and not always well. Sometimes mommies too have their tantrums. Unfortunately being an adult this is often frowned upon. Today I don't care. Today I threw a nice big tantrum complete with tears and stamping feet. Today this is how I dealt with my life. Today my mother-in-law whisked my child away with a look akin to aghast on her face and is probably calling social services as we speak. Now I really am exagerrating(about social services that is) not the tantrum. All I could think was GOODBYE!  After 2 hours of quiet and a solo trip to my favorite hispanic mercado, I was in much better shape. So I suppose we mothers really can have it all, as long as we are allowed our occasional tantrum too! Goodnight world.