for better or for worse

So here I sit, curled up in bed while big fat snow flakes fall outside my window. The furnace hums along, the only sound besides my tapping of computer keys in this otherwise silent house. Ahhh, silence. How easily we take it for granted. This house has not heard such silence in a long time. I'm not going to lie to you, this has been one tough winter. No, I'm not talking about the weather. The past four months have been a never ending struggle of overwhelming responsibility that threatened to suck the life right out of me. This my friends is why my writing has been sparse. I started this blog as a means to vent my frustration with everyday life and the struggles we as a family face. I started this in the hopes that if someone could relate to our situation, even just once, then they would know they weren't alone. The entire country has suffered, is still suffering, and hope tends to fall short. My objective was to restore a little of that hope by writing what I know, my life, our life, kids, careers, and still this crappy economy. I suppose that's a good thing, the still crappy economy, otherwise I'd have to change the blog name. As therapeutic as my writing may be, it is still difficult at times to throw all your feelings and emotions into a media so public. These past four months have been wrought with feelings and emotions. They have been filled with knock-down drag out fights with my husband about our financial situation. Unemployment is downright freaking scary and in today's world we need 2 incomes to make a house, business, and family run properly. My husband is my soul mate, but this my friends, this has definitely been the for better or for worse part. It is extremely hard to look at someone you love more than anything on this earth and at the same time want to punch them in the face for creating the situation. One tiny bit of procrastination and I was living my worst nightmare. I suppose in that respect I'm lucky. Where most women worry about other women, I worry about procrastination and it's consequences. Four months of holding my breath so tight I thought I would choke. Four months of nasty bitterness and resentment directed at this soul mate of mine. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair yet I felt so hopeless, so full of despair, that I couldn't be any other way. My husband took my verbal blows like Muhammad Ali deflecting punches. He was still my rock through all the anger directed his way. He was still solid and kind and beautiful in his heart. He made me wish to be better, nicer, less angry. So much said in such a short time. So many doors slammed. So you see my friends, this kind of emotion is hard to talk about. This is the kind of stuff made for behind closed doors. This is the kind of stuff that also lets you know you are still not alone and we are all in this crazy shit together. Today, my husband went off to work and my child went off to school and life was normal again. Balance has been restored. I can finally see the forest through the trees and I will never give up on this life, this man who completes my sentences. For richer or for poorer this man, my husband, completes me. Good afternoon world, it's great to be back!