saying goodbye

Today was a tough day and I'm not talking about the migraine that took root in my right temple. No, today I had to say goodbye to an old friend. Saying goodbye to people who have become part of your life is never easy whether they move away or cease to exist. Over the years I have said goodbye to work friends who were like crazy dysfunctional family members and I loved them just the same. I have lost friends to sunnier locations due to heartbreak and a restless need to leave it behind and start over. I have even said goodbye to friends who have just drifted in other directions as so many friendships tend to do. This friend I lost due to his heart's inability to keep on ticking. My friend was 73 years old and over the years he had become my confidante, my protector, "uncle" to my child, neighbor, and simply my friend. He was always there when I unlocked my door at the shop, well except for Wednesdays. On those days he golfed. He had a twinkle in his eye and a big booming voice that sounded like gravel on concrete. Over the 10 years we got to know each other we shared countless conversations over styrofoam cups of bad coffee.We talked cars and politics and women and men and relationships and kids and family. He loved his family fiercely and was so proud of his kids. He brought me bags of homemade pepper cookies pilfered from his 97 year old mother. He brought souvenirs for my wild child from his many pilgrimages to the land of Mickey Mouse. He rode roller coasters like a 10 year old and probably screamed just as loud. Being a barber he was the only one to keep my child calm as he combed out knotted dreadlocks with promises of candy from the jar next to the cash register. He was my favorite dirty old man. I would walk in and sit in his lap and give him big kisses just to hear him laugh and call me sweetheart in that throaty voice of his. Whether I saw him everyday or not, it was a comfort just knowing he was on the other side of my wall. Now he is gone and just like his empty barber chair my heart feels strange and empty as well. I will give it to the Catholics, they certainly know how to send one on his eternal way. The old school Italian church with it's beautiful old statuary, confessionals and candles granted me peace the moment I stepped inside. The ripe musky scent of incense as the sun poured through the peacock bright stained-glass windows during the strains of Ava Maria was just too overwhelming and there I sat sobbing like a child. I am not an overtly religious person preferring instead to keep my faith internal, but in this church there was God and he was there to welcome my friend. Even the priest was powerless against this beauty as his voice broke over and over while he said mass for this special person. Rounding it all out with a military flag folding ceremony and the sound of Taps playing in the background was a fitting ending for such a wonderful man. A man who loved life, too much perhaps, for in the end it all caught up with him and now he's gone. Oh sure, over time my heart will heal but the barbershop is different now. The empty chair a reminder of what was. I love you Joe, rest in peace. Goodnight world.

snow day

Awaking at three a.m. to the sound of soft padding feet descending our stairs had me in a coma-like confused state. Our mixed-up midnight rambler thought it was time to start his day. Oh no. It's time to get back in bed like the rest of us. Claiming he couldn't sleep I retrieved extra blankets and crawled in next to the little man tucking his warm fleecy body against mine while the wind howled outside his window. Cozy in his single bed, my last thought before I drifted off was please no school. The thought of having to get up in the cold, wrestle with winter clothes, fight the snow, avoid the crazy parent drivers was not quite appealing at this hour. At about 5:30 a.m. my husband poked his head in the room to announce no school today. Ahhh, yes, I can go back to sleep. Lazy morning. At seven a.m. my husband got his alert that school was cancelled. Ok, here we go, yet another snow day. This winter has been heavy on not only snow but family time due to the snow. Being spoiled the past few years by extremely temperate winters, we are not used to this. I'll say this much, we're definitely a closer family this winter. Making the most of the situation is really all one can do to get through these long cold days. We have spent a LOT of time sledding, skating, playing games, baking, cooking. I have made countless cups of hot cocoa to go with popcorn and movies. We have traversed frozen ice waves on the lake and where the beach is supposed to be. Braving freezing winds just to get out of the house. Today will be no different. After another fresh 6 to 10 inches of snowfall last night we will be bundling up in snow pants and coats to fly down another snow covered hill. I should go to work, but really, who's going shopping in mounds of snow. Tomorrow I will open. Tomorrow this will all start to melt. Today I will spend the day with these beautiful boys of mine. We will sled and shovel grammy's driveway and make homemade pizza. There will be hot showers and early bedtime because tomorrow there will be school and although the week starts late, the next 3 days are busy ones. Today though, today is a snow day and since it is most likely the last one, we as a family will spend it joined at the hip. Because these cold days are numbered, age 5 doesn't last forever and there is Devil's Hill to conquer today. Good morning world.

forever young

I don't like getting older. Really, what woman does? How many women do you know that actually say "woohoo, I love my gray hair" or " these age lines really DO give me character". The Hell with that. I don't like my age lines especially the well-grooved two between my eyebrows. Oh sure they give them a fun little nickname, "the elevens". Who thought that up? Just dumb. Well my "elevens" just make me look like I'm mad at the world. Don't even get me started on sun damage. My mother always warned me to wear sun block and watch my face. Well mom, it's there and I love the sun and I love the water and I don't see that changing so I guess I move to the spf 50 this summer. I'll be protected like a red head at high noon. I've written about age before and how I refuse to let it affect me, but as you can see, it didn't work. Age affects you. It affects you every time you visit a doctor and hold your breath because you never had to worry about the scary stuff before. Watching your doctor clam up after seeing "something" on a computer screen, well that pretty much terrifies me. I don't like these forties. Sure I'm wiser, that's a given. You just know more as you get older. You know that the world will always need saving and there are bad people who do bad things to others, but somehow you manage to not let every single plight affect how you live your life. You know that trends come and go and everything repeats itself and each generation that repeats these trends thinks they're the first to do so. Life is funny. We all think we are so unique and different from everyone else when actually we're all the same. Yep, we may look different, act different, smell different, but we are all just human and that makes us all the same. We are born, we live, and we die. How we live is what matters. Throw that age number to the wind and just be yourself. I am 43. I don't feel 43. So what if I was probably the oldest person at Friday night skate. I can still race around the rink as well as the tweens, maybe better. So what if I spent an afternoon watching young angsty vampire movies. I like vampires. Always have, since I was in sixth grade. Only my vampire knowledge started with Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie in The Hunger, way before Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer. Although I do have to say every time Twilight movies are on the world stops and I am rapt with attention and my husband rolls his eyes at me. "Sled boarding" down a homemade snow ramp is not something responsible adults do, but it sure was fun and my child loved seeing mama be an idiot. Signing up for SnapChat so I can make dumb videos with my twenty-something friends is just fun. My husband and I have spent most of our lives working with people half our age and for this I am thankful. It has helped us stay young at heart. It helps when middle-age life starts creeping in and the bills pile up and job concerns keep my eyes glued to the ceiling at night. It helps to know I can tie on my old roller skates from seventh grade and glide across that polished wood floor without a care in the world. As Alphaville proclaimed in the eighties, "Let us die young or let us live forever. We don't have the power but we never say never. Sitting in a sand pit, life is a short trip....forever young, I want to be...Goodnight world.