saying goodbye

Today was a tough day and I'm not talking about the migraine that took root in my right temple. No, today I had to say goodbye to an old friend. Saying goodbye to people who have become part of your life is never easy whether they move away or cease to exist. Over the years I have said goodbye to work friends who were like crazy dysfunctional family members and I loved them just the same. I have lost friends to sunnier locations due to heartbreak and a restless need to leave it behind and start over. I have even said goodbye to friends who have just drifted in other directions as so many friendships tend to do. This friend I lost due to his heart's inability to keep on ticking. My friend was 73 years old and over the years he had become my confidante, my protector, "uncle" to my child, neighbor, and simply my friend. He was always there when I unlocked my door at the shop, well except for Wednesdays. On those days he golfed. He had a twinkle in his eye and a big booming voice that sounded like gravel on concrete. Over the 10 years we got to know each other we shared countless conversations over styrofoam cups of bad coffee.We talked cars and politics and women and men and relationships and kids and family. He loved his family fiercely and was so proud of his kids. He brought me bags of homemade pepper cookies pilfered from his 97 year old mother. He brought souvenirs for my wild child from his many pilgrimages to the land of Mickey Mouse. He rode roller coasters like a 10 year old and probably screamed just as loud. Being a barber he was the only one to keep my child calm as he combed out knotted dreadlocks with promises of candy from the jar next to the cash register. He was my favorite dirty old man. I would walk in and sit in his lap and give him big kisses just to hear him laugh and call me sweetheart in that throaty voice of his. Whether I saw him everyday or not, it was a comfort just knowing he was on the other side of my wall. Now he is gone and just like his empty barber chair my heart feels strange and empty as well. I will give it to the Catholics, they certainly know how to send one on his eternal way. The old school Italian church with it's beautiful old statuary, confessionals and candles granted me peace the moment I stepped inside. The ripe musky scent of incense as the sun poured through the peacock bright stained-glass windows during the strains of Ava Maria was just too overwhelming and there I sat sobbing like a child. I am not an overtly religious person preferring instead to keep my faith internal, but in this church there was God and he was there to welcome my friend. Even the priest was powerless against this beauty as his voice broke over and over while he said mass for this special person. Rounding it all out with a military flag folding ceremony and the sound of Taps playing in the background was a fitting ending for such a wonderful man. A man who loved life, too much perhaps, for in the end it all caught up with him and now he's gone. Oh sure, over time my heart will heal but the barbershop is different now. The empty chair a reminder of what was. I love you Joe, rest in peace. Goodnight world.